you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
