My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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