Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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