i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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