matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
