yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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