Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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