I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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