I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The power of my boobs compel you
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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