Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
