I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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