dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
