I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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