So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
