i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
