His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
