Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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