Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
