I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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