dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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