The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize