I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
