I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
