We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
