just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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