So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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