Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
