Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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