My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
