two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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