I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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