we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
