if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
