We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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