I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize