32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
