I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
