sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
