How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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