Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
