Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
