Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
