I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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