I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Houston, we have a blender
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
