roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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