If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
