My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
