is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
