I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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