Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
