i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
