my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
