hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
