handjob tips. give me some.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
