Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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