can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
