Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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