ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
