I wish I could teleport
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize