I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
