I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Found your dick twin last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
