so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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