dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
