you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
