I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
