the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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