So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
