Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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