I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
