I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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