ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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