I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
