neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
