Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
