he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
