i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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