Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
