sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just high enough for therapy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
